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The Monologue of My Anxiety

Dialogue I.

By: A. R. Cervantes

Preface:

 

An inherent anger had seemingly subsided and anxiety bloomed.

It arose possibly after the child’s grandfather’s death. Whereupon, he first acknowledged a disconnect within himself. As he sobbed uncontrollably at his burial, yet remained mentally composed with curiosity.

Act I:

 

From there on, I occurred by any sense or hint of disconnection to others. Though initially infrequent, I grew and became comprehensively involved in the child’s perception. The intensity of my presence would persist the child as he would plunge himself into the plausibility of disconnection from his peers, his hopes and dreams, and himself.

He would often respond to my intensity with a sense of fear and with hope. He hoped to understand me through himself and fought to do so when my presence was heavy.

The child stood his ground. As he grew, he kept his attention to his thoughts with the Intent to improve, and as the years passed he had found mediums to reflect within. The child came to learn to approach me.

Though that may have been incidental and initially grasped by the boy as an escape. He seemed eager to forget my presence. He utilized my force without acknowledging me as the catalyst and the medium through which he had conducted his thoughtful experiences.

In a state, where he could suspend the relevant fragments from the prior days and arrange them to a resonating narrative expression. An expression that clarified his perseverated realization, his realized reality. Of which to act in accordance with, for the necessity to navigate and learn in his existence.

Narrative expressions that were rooted in his vulnerability. Roots that were later considered to be hacked off, yet they’ve always remained.

I was a bridge, which he had learned to walk upon. A bridge soured in distrust and self-doubt, and initially unstable at each encounter.

The child forcibly believed I was his own, and so with this belief, I left him alone. I subsided by his own ignorance and had left the child to be without my company.

Upon that exit, I recalled the sense of a vital loss. Which he had fated through conceptualized means, foreign and ignorant to his own expressed soul.

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